No one is going to care what you look like more than you do. Not even your significant other. A lot of men and women get into lifting or fitness because they want to look “better” to appeal to the opposite sex. I promise you that you are always going to evaluate and judge yourself more than a potential mate. Why else do you constantly see people who — when single, are very regimented and committed to maintaining their physical appearance — come to care less and put less energy towards it once they get into a healthy and loving relationship? Because they're not trying to impress anyone anymore. And when receiving unconditional love for who we are, rather than what we look like, we tend to care a lot less whether we can see our abs or not.
That's not to say that it can’t still be important for someone to want to look a certain way because they truly feel their best when living their life and maintaining habits that result in looking a certain way. Because the outcome is not the focus, the process and way of life are the focus. This is what I believe to be the point of fitness.
I can even attest to this personally. I don't train the same way or as often as I used to. In the past, working out was mostly an outlet for frustrated energy resulting from things in life not going the way I wanted them to. I was lonely and insecure, and worried I would never find a partner who would truly love me for who I am. Many years and many transformative experiences later, I am far more secure in myself, and have been blessed to receive unconditional love from a woman who truly sees and appreciates me as I am. So I don't care as much what my body-fat percentage is, how much weight I can squat, or how much volume I can handle in my training.
So my training standard has changed. I won’t say that the standard has been lowered, because it hasn’t. The quality and effort is still there. Only the style, frequency, and the energy with which I approach my training has changed. Being fit, strong and mobile, liking what I see in the mirror, and feeling good in my body are still incredibly important to me, and always will be. But the relationship I have with my body and my physical health has changed. I am no longer purely focused on the complexity of my workouts or how they compare to the latest trends. I am no longer training out of insecurity or frustration. I am doing it to take care of myself, so I can feel my best, and so I can show up as effectively as possible in the areas of life that deserve my best – at work, at home, and in my meaningful relationships.
p.s. - Mads and I just got married :)
